I managed four out of six days of morning pages this week! I also finished one journal and began a new one, which feels fitting for this time of transition. This week’s chapter is titled Recovering a Sense of Power, and it lends itself better to short paragraphs rather than bullet point lists. Here we go:
Anger
“Anger is fuel,” Julia Cameron says. “We feel it and we want to do something. Hit someone, break something, throw a fit, smash a fist into the wall, tell those bastards. But we are nice people, and what we do with our anger is stuff it, deny it, bury it, block it, hide it, lie about it, medicate it, muffle it, ignore it. We do everything but listen to it.” But, she goes on to say, anger is a map. It shows us where we want to go, it points the way, it’s meant to be acted upon. Allowing ourselves to feel anger is a vital step in creative recovery, it’s fuel for our growth. I’d underlined this line last time I read the book: “Anger tells us we can’t get away with our old life any longer. It tells us that old life is dying. It tells us we are being reborn, and birthing hurts. The hurt makes us angry.” Anger is useful, unlike sloth, apathy, and despair. “Anger is our friend. Not a nice friend. Not a gentle friend. But a very, very loyal friend. It will always tell us when we have been betrayed. It will always tell us when we have betrayed ourselves…Anger is not the action itself. It is action’s invitation.”
Synchronicity
Answered prayers are scary because they imply responsibility: You asked for it, now that you’ve got it, what are you going to do with it? Getting what we want delivers us back into our own hands, and that is not comfortable. It’s easier to accept answered prayers as synchronicities we can brush off. We call it luck, coincidence, anything other than what it is: the reaction that happens in reaction to taking an aligned action. “In my experience,” Cameron says, “the universe falls in with worthy plans and most especially with festive and expansive ones.” If you come up with the what from a place of secure self-worth and authenticity, the how will take care of itself. “We like to pretend it is hard to follow our heart’s dreams. The truth is, it is difficult to avoid waling through the many doors that will open. Turn aside your dream and it will come back to you again. Get willing to follow it again and a second mysterious door will swing open. The universe is prodigal in its support. We are miserly in what we accept. All gift horses are looked in the mouth and usually returned to sender. We say we are scared by failure, but what frightens us more is the possibility of success.”
Shame
Getting bogged down by fear before taking an action points to another enemy: shame. Shame is a controlling device. Shaming someone is an attempt to prevent the person from behaving in a way that embarrasses us. Making art can feel like telling a family secret or revealing something we shouldn’t have. “The act of making art exposes a society to itself. Art brings things to light. It illuminates us. It sheds light on our lingering darkness. It casts a beam into the heart of our own darkness and says, ‘See?’” When people do not want to see something, they get mad at the one who shows them. If we were shamed as children, our inner artist child may feel especially afraid to create. Criticism is different from shame and an important part of the creative process, but they can feel like the same thing and keep us from creating.
Dealing with Criticism
Learn to tell useful criticism from unkind shaming. Pointed criticism, when accurate, helps the artist evolve. Withering, ambiguous, personal, or inaccurate criticism leaves the artist feeling bludgeoned. Learn to receive criticism gracefully, take notes, glean what you can from it, then get back on the horse and create again. Remember that sometimes making bad art is a necessary stepping stone to making good art.
Growth
Growth is erratic forward movement that doesn’t always feel linear. Allow for cycles of energy and inspiration. Stay consistent in morning pages, rest on the page when you feel in a creative slump. Practice being kind to yourself in small ways that support your energy. Stay open to unexpected help and gifts from others, but balance that with solitude. Acquire the habit of checking in with yourself. Several times a day, take a beat and ask yourself how you’re feeling.
Tasks
Describe five traits you like in yourself as a child.
List five favorite childhood foods and buy yourself one this week.
Take a look at your habits. Are you nurturing yourself? Are you doing things that cause you shame, like smoking, spending a lot of time watching TV, or killing time with a friend you don’t really enjoy?
Make a list of friends who nurture you. Which of their traits serve you well?
Call a friend who treats you like a really good and bright person who can accomplish things.
Do a meditative or creative activity and listen to your inner compass. What direction is it pointing?
List five people you admire, then five people you secretly admire. What traits do these people have that you can cultivate further in yourself?